People like to do business with those they know, like and trust. Since How To Win Friends and Influence People was published in 1936 Dale Carnegie has been helping people be more 'like-able' and build trust. Here are 9 easy to implement habits to help you become more like-able...and trusted by more people:
1. Smile: I know sounds simple but seriously using those extra muscles really makes a difference. Turns out when you smile you communicate to others that you enjoy being around them, which it turns out is an important factor in friendship. In addition making an effort to smile more can have positive effects on your mood as well. When it comes to smiling “fake it til you feel it” can actually make you a happier person.
2. Don’t openly criticize: When Ben Franklin said, “Speak ill of no man,” it wasn’t just a nice idea for your career but to you very well-being. Abraham Lincoln almost learned that the hard way when his open criticism almost landed him in a saber duel. A changed man he later had this to say about the Southerns in the Civil War, “Don’t criticize them, they are just as we would be under similar circumstances.”
3. Show your appreciation: Compliment a well done job, recognize someone for what they excel at and apologize when you are wrong. Don’t shower false praise, humans are pretty good at seeing through that, but when it is truly deserved showing appreciation can guide you easily into someone’s good graces.
4. Being interesting is as simple as being interested: There aren’t any shortcuts here. Be present and listen actively without being distracted or interrupting. If you are an expert at nothing else, become an expert at this.
5. When you do talk, make it interesting: One way conversations will bore the most committed narcissist, so if you want to further a relationship the next skill is to take what they have told you about themselves and make a point to learn about it. This takes you from someone that will listen to them to someone that will connect with them and understand them.
6. Avoid arguments where nothing can be gained: Most arguments produce increasingly frustrated parties that recycle the same opinions over and over ad nauseam. If there can’t be a positive outcome, don’t start it. If you must debate refrain from getting emotionally involved for that is a certain recipe for disaster
7. Arrogance gets you nowhere: Openly telling someone they are wrong will never get your desired outcome but it will succeed in convincing the insulted party to dig their heels further in. Even when right, keeping an open mind will always yield better results. So follow Ben Franklin’s example and trade “undoubtedly” and “certainly” in for “I imagine” and “I conceive.”
8. Openly admit when you are at fault: If you want to take the wind out of a smug opponent’s sails own your failures. Now instead of pointing out your faults the only high ground they have to stand upon is that of generosity and forgiveness. Plus when you volunteer your shortcomings there is the added bonus of not having to be publicly criticized by others
9. Persuade with a small yes: When trying to win a person to shift a larger opinion use the socratic method starting with smaller questions and get them to agree with those as quickly as possible. Make it clear where you have the same goals reducing their need to feel they must fight back in order to save face.
For a more in depth look at these strategies buy the full book here.
